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"Our children are watching us live, and what we are shouts louder than anything we can say." - Wilferd A. Peterson Experts: 'Buddy' Parents No Friends to Kids The usual response to incidents like the Illinois hazing melee -- at least among most tongue-clucking adults -- generally runs along the lines of "Where were the parents?" But what happens if, as may have been the case here, the parents were out buying the booze for the underage drinking bash? "It's not just that you're helping the kid out because they need a couple of beers for a party," said Dr. Roger McIntire, author of books including, Teenagers and Parents: 10 Steps for a Better Relationship. "It's the message that is behind that - the message was that these kinds of overindulgences are acceptable." The issue has struck a nerve among those who believe many parents may be more worried about being a buddy than a father or mother to their teens -- to the detriment of both the kids' development and the strength of the family. Experts generally agree that parents aren't doing their children any favors when they buy underage drinkers beer in an effort to win affection or popularity. "It's an extension of the same type of parent who ... would consider having graduation parties and serving alcohol to kids and saying, 'Oh, I'm taking keys,' and considering they are being the cool parents, actually thinking they should be voted parents of the year," said family therapist Carleton Kendrick, author of Take Out Your Nose Ring, Honey, We're Going to Grandma's. "It is more important for them to be perceived as cool than it is for being a parent." School administrators in Northbrook, Ill., on Monday ordered the suspension of several girls involved in the now-infamous May 4 "powder puff" incident. But officials also made clear they had limited jurisdiction in the case, which was not a school event. Police continue to investigate reports that at least some parents were involved, and are expected to file criminal charges this week."This is about the personal responsibility of the parents to do their job as parents and to make sure that their children are behaving appropriately," attorney Mark Smith told Fox News' Hannity and Colmes last week. But defense attorney Mel Sachs argued that shifting blame to the parents doesn't hold their kids accountable. "Children have to learn to be responsible themselves," he said. "It's very easy to shift the burden to the parents. We can't allow that to happen." Some experts insist parents must still be held accountable, at whatever level. "I cannot imagine what was in the minds of these parents if they helped provide these kids with those animal entrails and excrement and not asking what this was all about," Kendrick said. The Partnership for a Drug Free America recently launched an ad campaign encouraging parents to act less like friends and more like adults. In the ads, parents ask kids many questions about where they're going, who they will be with and when they're coming home, in an effort to show they care and to make sure their teens know what's expected of them. "We advise parents that kids have friends, they need parents," said organization spokesman Howard Simon. "It's important for parents to remember their kids, whether they admit it or not, are looking for you to set rules and boundaries - it's probably the single most important job you have in your life. "It's great to have your kid like you and we understand the desire to want to be that but at the same time, your kids need you to give you the rules on how to guide your behavior." Olaunda Williams, youth director for The Partners to Reduce Underage Drinking in North Carolina, said a trend is beginning to emerge where parents are held accountable by the justice system for providing alcohol. North Carolina has a "huge problem" of parents buying beer for their underage teens, she said. "They feel like they're being responsible parents as long as they take the car keys," Williams said. "We want them to understand they are breaking the law. Parents need to understand this behavior is illegal, it shouldn't be tolerated." McIntire said parents should give their children kudos for a job well done and praise their positive attributes, not for aiding and abetting illegal behavior."If you try to be a friend to your child, the way to do it is to show some admiration for some things that they do, not to try to come in on the side of liking the same music or using the same lingo or otherwise trying to fit in with them and their friends," he said. "I think it's better to take the high road." Source: Fox News Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children The following has been attributed to the Houston Police Department, who supposedly put out a pamphlet with the above title, and listing the following rules of raising a delinquent child. The rules were then picked up and published in the local Chamber of Commerce publication called Business: 1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living. 2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute. It will also encourage him to pick up "cuter phrases" that will blow off the top of your head later. 3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him "decide for himself." 4. Avoid the use of the word "wrong." It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted. 5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around—books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others. 6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but don't worry about his mind feasting on garbage. 7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later. 8. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his. Why should he have things as tough as you did? 9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration. 10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child. 11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize to yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him!" 12. Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You'll surely have it. Can Parents Be Both The Boss & The Buddy To Their Children? Being able to balance being the 'boss' as well as your child's 'buddy' is absolutely necessary for a healthy parent child relationship. Some experts teach that we should always be the boss and never play the role of buddy. Others suggest that your son or daughter should be your best friend. Both extremes are unhealthy. Your child should never be in doubt as to who is the boss.Personally speaking, when growing up, the times I felt my dad was my buddy were those rare and wonderful moments we spent gardening or fishing. I knew he was the boss; there was no doubt about that in our family. But for those magical moments, he was also my friend.The problem is that one without the other gives a dangerous imbalance. If you make an attempt to be your child's best friend above everything else, you will relinquish your ability to be an effective parent, able to wield authority when needed. If you refuse to accept the role of friend on occasion, you relinquish the chance to show love in a special way and to stand close to your children in their unguarded moments. Most parents have no trouble playing the role of boss but find it difficult to take the time to be a friend. Children do not respond to rules; they respond to relationships. It's true that you can get your children to "behave" by enforcing the rules. You can control your children to a certain point by running a tight ship, but that doesn't necessarily mean you are getting their loving and obedient response. What you are getting is their reaction, which may look like obedience on the surface, but beneath there is fear, frustration, and anger. Unless you establish a loving, accepting relationship with your child, you can almost count on trouble down the line. How Do You Balance Punishment & Praise?Punishment is a method of teaching principle - not a tool for revenge. Keeping that in mind will often make it easier to decide what (and whether) punishment should be handed out. If you use punishment simply as a deterrent ("and if you ever do that again, you know what will happen to you"), it will stop being effective when your kid figures out a way to keep you from finding out. But if it is used both as a deterrent and as a way to teach your child principles, the inner conviction that develops will stand even when the enforcer is not around. Here are two overriding rules to keep in mind: 1. First, punishment should always be carried out when you are under control. The minute you find out that your thirteen-year-old son took the car for a joyride may not be the best time to decide the sentence. Twenty years of hard labor in a foreign country may seem entirely appropriate to you at that moment; an hour or two later, when you've cooled off, you'll probably realize that five years would be plenty.With smaller children, it's often necessary to respond immediately, so that they can connect the punishment with the behavior. It's still important to keep control. A broken cookie jar may enrage you, but the child had no idea of the importance of the cookie jar. Express your displeasure about the sneaky action of stealing cookies, then wait until you've cooled down a bit about the cookie jar before taking action. 2. Second, avoid punishing older children (from about school age up) in front of friends if possible. You will never meet a child who didn't feel that a family trust was being violated by public punishment. You will also never meet a child who didn't try at one time or other to get away with bad behavior in the presence of others. Unless the child is clearly being manipulative, try to do your correction in private. If you're being manipulated, do your correction on the spot -- and then make it clear that your action was necessitated by your child's manipulative behavior. Another reason to avoid public punishment is that we parents can't always trust ourselves to maintain control over our emotions in that situation. We're often so embarrassed by our children's behavior and by how it reflects on us that the punishment can cease to be punishment for principles violated and become revenge for our embarrassment. Waliz Teens Who Volunteer Reap Academic Rewards June 18 - Volunteering was the last thing on Devin Cohen's mind three years ago, when he was keeping his mom company at the Westchester Medical Center in Valhalla, N.Y., where she received cancer treatment in the oncology unit. "I saw that most people in the unit were kind of bored and lonely," said Cohen, 15. "And then I thought, What are the kids like when they're receiving chemotherapy? Won't they be lonely and bored?' So I thought 'Hey, I mean that's a good place to start and to help people out.' " Cohen's initial idea has grown into a program that provides sick children at the hospital with books, games, sports gear, and companionship. More than one in four teens nationwide does some type of volunteer work, such as bringing hope to sick children, beauty to their own neighborhoods, and safety to the homes of seniors. But the giving goes both ways. Research confirms that teens who learn early to be social, caring, and responsible perform better in school. Volunteering improves their chances of graduating at the top of their class, armed with critical leadership skills. It also makes teens feel good about themselves. "There's no better feeling than giving back to the community, especially with children and in my case children with cancer," Cohen said. His mother is pleased with her son's initiative. "I'm really so proud of Devin," said Ellen Cohen. "I think he's encouraging other people to volunteer, which I think is important too." Antidote to Trouble Studies show that teens who volunteer just two hours per week have higher self-esteem and more resiliency and are 50 percent less likely to smoke, drink or do drugs. Amy Figueroa is part of Fresh Youth Initiatives, better known as FYI, an organization that serves Washington Heights, a tough New York City neighborhood. "It brings happiness to my life, knowing that I could do something - that I could help somebody else," she said. She and other teen volunteers hit the streets, replacing graffiti with murals, painting mailboxes, planting gardens, and sewing sleeping bags for the homeless. FYI recruits act as positive role models for their peers. "There's a lot of people that get in trouble. They sell drugs or they just do bad things to people," Figueroa said. "FYI is a place where they could come and put all negative things behind them and start doing positive things to help with the community and help out themselves - Mostly you see people my age like doing graffiti and stuff like that, so that gives the people another image of what kids can do." One young volunteer provides some comfort to homeless people who sleep on New York's cold streets. "When I work doing the sleeping bags for the homeless people and giving to them, it makes me feel proud of myself and it makes me feel so confident that I just did something good for someone and that someday, something good will happen to me," said Marilyn Rosa, 12. Bridging Generation Gap Teens who volunteer at the Heart of Manateens in Tampa, Fla., bridge the generation gap with the area's senior citizens and challenge the stereotype that adolescents are apathetic and self-centered. Hildred Smarr, 80, is one of more than 3,500 seniors who live alone and have benefited from the program. "About a couple years ago, a tornado came by, and this huge limb fell over on my roof and into my window," Smarr said. "She had called up the Manateens at the volunteer center,and had asked, told us that she had debris all over the place," said Laura Lockwood, 20. Teen volunteers dispatched to Smarr's house worked quickly. "They cut it all up and took it all away. Isn't that marvelous?" Smarr said. Corey Herbert, 15, said he felt good about helping senior citizens and getting to know them. "I think it really makes an impact sometimes, once you like sit down and talk to them," Herbert said. "You do get really a nice relationship. And then they just kind of want you to keep coming back. And it's really nice." Smarr is just thankful for the program. "I don't know who started it all, or anything like that, but thank heaven they did," she said. "They are such good kids. They're terrific." Tips for Parents When trying to find volunteer projects, choose an issue close to your heart, stick to projects close to home, and volunteer along with your children so you can involve the entire family. If kids are skittish about helping the sick or impaired, help them find other alternatives. Teens, for instance, often like fund raising and environmental-based projects. An Outgrowth of Hobbies: Make the volunteer activity something that your child would do as a hobby. For example, teen boys are the toughest group to encourage to reach out, but if they can assist players of the Challenger League, where they can help handicapped kids play ball, it might be more rewarding than they imagined. Stay Local: Don't be overly ambitious. Your elderly neighbor might need help unloading groceries, or the local library may be looking for volunteers to read to younger children at story time. Youth groups, the elderly and local libraries are a great place to start. Also try local libraries, hospitals, care facilities, school guidance counselors and neighborhood associations. Make It a Family Affair: Whether it's letter writing, participating in an anti-war march or doling out soup to the homeless, you can best encourage your children to volunteer by modeling the behavior yourself. Here are some helpful Web sites/ideas for volunteer activities: The Manateen Club: A program of the Volunteer Services of Manatee County, it includes a project that helps the elderly, as well as beach/environmental cleanup plans (manateens.org). Fresh Youth Initiatives: Teen volunteer program in Washington Heights section of New York (freshyouth.org). Little League's Challenger League: Disabled players get help from able runners (littleleague.org). Do Something: A great place to start for teens to find out what they care about and how they can help (dosomething.org). Points of Light: Another great place to start with all sorts of links to local programs across the country (pointsoflight.org). Cinderella's Closet: An organization in Sacramento, Calif., offers recycled prom dresses to underprivileged teenage girls (safeinsacramento.org/Cinderella). Prom Dress Drive: Start your own fund-raiser. Raise money for teens who can't afford a dress or accessories. Youth Service America: Clearinghouse for national youth volunteer programs (ysa.org). Source: Good Morning America Summer is the Hot Season for Teen Sex June 19 - Fifteen-year-olds Victoria Richardson and Ben Ochrym are in love, and they're the closest of pals, too. "He is like really my best friend," Victoria said. "He was always there for me, and he really listens well and I really respect that about him." The high school couple will be spending the summer together, traveling in Europe on a teen tour. But the plan caught her dad off guard. "I was under the impression, somehow mistaken, that it was all girls," Gene Richardson said. "And at some point it became clear that it was not all girls. And I just kind of flipped." When Victoria is far away from her Rochester, N.Y., home, her parents worry, how far will she go? "I want them to feel comfortable with their own sexuality, with how things will progress, but I guess I'm not ready for her to be really involved with that," said her mother, Sandi Richardson. "So … that's a struggle." Forget the Fairy Tales If Gene Richardson had his way, his daughter would wait - and wait a good long while - before she had sex. "I guess the fairy tale would be until she was married," he said. Fairy tales rarely come true. According to a survey of 30,000 teens released last month by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 20 percent of teens lose their virginity before their 15th birthday. More teens lose their virginity during the summer months than at any other time of the year, according to research in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior. By the time teens graduate high school, two-thirds have had intercourse, and when they walk down the aisle, a mere 15 percent will still be virgins. Victoria Richardson says that peer pressure to have sex exists, but she has a mind of her own. "I feel that pressure a lot with my friends," she said. "But I don't let that get in the way because I want to be ready and feel good about it." Why Kids Have Sex In fact, peer pressure is only one of the reasons that teens have sex, said pediatrician Dr. Mark Schuster, co-author of Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask. "I'd say the main reason kids have sex is because they've heard it feels good and they want to see what it's all about, and another reason kids have sex is because their partner expects them to or might even break up with them if they don't have sex," Schuster said. Parents should speak to their children about sex, and the importance of being ready before they do anything. "You don't pressure someone else to have sex if they're not ready to have sex. That's a very important message for boys certainly, but also for girls these days," Schuster said. "They both need to learn it." Having sex too soon can wreak havoc on teens emotionally. Research shows that sexually active teens are more likely to feel depressed and to attempt suicide. In fact, two out of three say they wish they had waited. Out in the Open Gene Richardson doesn't think teens are ready to cope with the responsibilities and the possible results. "My biggest problem is that sexual intimacy is an adult activity, and there are adult consequences," he said. Parents who are concerned about their teens becoming sexually active should bring those concerns out in the open, Schuster said. "The biggest mistake parents make in talking about sex is to not talk about it," he said. "There's an epidemic of noncommunication about sex. Parents just avoid the subject." Eliminating gray areas is critical, so experts say that parents should be specific and define what they mean by "sex," including oral sex. They should also talk to teens about sexual responsibility, contraception and sexually transmitted diseases, and make sure that teens know how to say "no." They should also understand that saying yes can be a wonderful thing - when the time is right. "Sex is a gift - sex is a wonderful part of life, and we don't want kids growing up and being afraid of sex," Schuster said. Victoria says talking to her mom about sex has been a comfort. "My mom tells me that it's not a bad thing," she said. "So that makes me feel OK, 'cause I don't want her to think it's terrible. If I do it, I don't want her to be really mad. And I think she knows that I'll just wait and then it'll be a good thing, just like she said." Source: ABC News Survey suggests teens closer to parents in troubled times WASHINGTON, Aug. 5 - The nation's teens have spoken: Mom and dad, you're doing just fine. Almost 75 percent of high school students said they get along very well, if not extremely well, with their parents or guardians, a survey finds. Of the rest, 23 percent called the relationship "just OK," and only 3 percent said they don't get along well with their parents. OVERALL, TEENAGERS have a lot more admiration than animosity for their family members, despite popular notions to the contrary, "The State of Our Nation's Youth" survey says. The Horatio Alger Association, which provides college scholarships and mentoring to needy students, released the annual report on youth attitudes Tuesday. Conducted in April and May, the phone survey was given to 1,055 high school students, most of them 14 to 18 years old. The family-friendly theme stands out among this year's findings. Asked how they'd like to spend more time, more teens said they would rather be with their families than hang out with friends, play sports, listen to music or do anything else. Teens put family members atop their list of role models - far ahead of entertainers and athletes - and more than nine in 10 said they have at least one family member to confide in. The teen years are a natural time for separation, but the last year has not been a normal one, said Peter Hart, whose research company wrote the report. War in Iraq, a faltering economy, scandals in business and the church - today's teens have absorbed it all, Hart said. KIDS ARE OPTIMISTS "During all of the turmoil and change, instead of isolating themselves, I think they've drawn themselves back toward family," Hart said. "It's family and friends that are their support network." Three in four students say they are optimistic about the country's future. "It's almost as if they have built-in shock absorbers," Hart said. Even the disputes teens have with their parents aren't of great consequence, the survey finds. The most common argument, teens say, is over cleaning their rooms. In a boom time for bellybutton rings and tattoos, only 4 percent of fights are about student appearance.The findings should be encouraging to busy parents, but they also are a warning, Hart said. "The kids who are in high school are telling parents, 'We're listening you, we care about what you think, and we'd like to spend more time with you,'" Hart said. Academic demands put the most stress on students, more so than family squabbles, financial worries or social pressures, the survey says. Asked about the pressure of getting good grades, 42 percent of students called it a major problem, up from 26 percent two years ago. The largest increases were among black students, sophomores and juniors. OTHER SURVEY FINDINGS: Almost half of students - 47 percent - said they have solid or strong confidence in Congress. Only 26 percent said the same about the media.Fifty-eight percent of students said they have their own television, and 45 percent have their own cell phone. Almost all students - 97 percent - said there is a computer in their home. Forty-seven percent of students report spending six or more hours per week on their homework, up from 37 percent last year. Sixty percent of students say standardized tests are a good way to measure their progress. Last year, 65 percent thought such tests were a good idea. The poll had an error margin of plus or minus 3.1 percentage points. Source: MSNBC/Associated Press Fashion Sends a Message: But Is It the Right One? NEW YORK - "Gorgeous." "Sexy." "Beautiful." Many young women are all these things, but a fashion trend that has them wearing these words on their busts and bottoms is raising some eyebrows. "Message" fashion - clothing with descriptive phrases stamped on the chest and behind - is the teenybopper look du jour. But critics say the trend, which sometimes includes provocative phrases and even expletives, can go too far. "Messages that are positive and pure, like 'beautiful,' 'angel' and 'magical,' are absolutely OK, but not anything sexual that could be construed as dirty and nasty," said Elizabeth Kiester, fashion director for YM magazine. Mary Jane Mariani, a New Jersey mother of five daughters ranging from 15 to 24-years-old, said she wouldn't mind her girls wearing some of the sayings, but agreed that others aren't appropriate for teens. "It depends on what it says. 'Gorgeous' is OK, but I wouldn't want them to wear 'sexy' or 'boy toy,'" she said. Kiester confirmed that the trend is a huge hit with girls. In fact, YM is featuring message sweaters and belts in their October issue. But the teen glossy is highlighting innocent versions of the fad, and focusing on the impact that wearing a statement about yourself can make. "We’re going to show a sweater that says 'leader of the pack,' across the chest, and on the ironic side, a belt that says 'dork,'" Kiester said. "The feature is about the empowerment of words, how words affect the way you feel about the world and yourself." But when the messages veer into the realm of sexually suggestive sayings such as "I'm delicious" and "boy toy," even some fashionistas get skittish. Kiester was taken aback when her 12-year-old niece started wearing Juicy Couture sweats with "juicy" written across the front and backside. "My sister said, 'It’s just a brand.' But I thought that might be a little too sexy," she said. One New York City teacher told Foxnews.com she has witnessed her kindergarten students' young mothers wearing messages that she feels cross the line. "I’ve seen them wear jeans, tops and shorts that say provocative things, and I think it cheapens the female person and makes sex a game," said the teacher, who requested anonymity. Nevertheless, the look can be found just about everywhere. Express stores, frequented by teens and young women, carry cropped cargo pants with "gorgeous" across the tush, as well as T-shirts with "sexy" on the breast pocket. Wet Seal, another favorite youth-oriented chain store, features colorful T-shirts that say "high maintenance," "notorious" and "miss chievous." E! fashion director Elycia Rubin said the trend is an "attention-grabber," which is in line with the culture's increasingly flashy pop stars and actors who influence teens. But Rubin's not bothered by the sassy sayings. "I have a pair with 'love' across the butt - my boyfriend made them for me," she said. "I’ve seen them on Britney [Spears], Gwen Stefani. It’s just a fun kind of flirty, spunky clothing trend." Rubin, who lives in L.A., said men do call out to her on the street more than usual when she wears her "love" jeans, but she thinks that’s perfectly OK. "It’s sweet when there’s a nice message. I’ve seen some of the bad words - Madonna has swear words on some of her clothes - [but] I don’t think it’s offensive. If you wear it well, you’re fine." However, some parents like Mariani are concerned that the fashion statements could be construed as walking personal ads, especially when kids are involved. "I object to 'hot' and 'sexy," Mariani said. "I wouldn't want my daughters to call attention to themselves in that way." Source: Fox News Raising kids to love reading We can't help it-- we just love children's books: the stories, the pictures, the photographs, the feel of a book in the hand, the turning of the pages, the anticipation of the first page and what will come next, and even the slight sadness when a great story is over. Add reading a great book aloud to a young child and magic is in the air as you make monsters come alive, trains bravely chug, and rabbits fall asleep by the light of the moon. Reading a book out loud makes it your own. The very idea of reading to a child gives you permission to make creature sounds the like of which no one has ever heard before, to imitate accents, to act overly dramatic, and to behave like a kid again, if you wish. When you step outside yourself and become the characters, you get to be, do, and say things you might not otherwise, in just the right way, and at just the right time. You, the reader, decide how happy or sad or mad or crabby a character should be, and how much emphasis or drama to add to the story. In the end, you have created a unique treasure. Imagine all the varied and wonderful versions that are created each time Max cries, "Let the wild rumpus begin!" in the classic WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE by Maurice Sendak. Or how many different sounds Mary Anne, the faithful steam shovel, has made since MIKE MULLIGAN AND HIS STEAM SHOVEL by Virginia Lee Burton hit the book shelves in 1939. Try this out loud, from the absolutely gross and wonderful new book, AWFUL OGRE'S AWFUL DAY: POEMS, by one of our best children's poets Jack Prelutsky: Awful Ogre Speaks of Stature When elves and gnomes encounter me, Even the youngest children, who may not understand each nuance or word meaning, will delight in the magnificent variety of sounds and emotions you emit. No two ogres will be the same--your rendition will be like a secret handshake that only you and your child know. So, how should you read to kids? In your own way (whether quietly or dramatically), with passion, in comfort, and enjoying the pleasure that comes with it. When reading together is warm, contented, and fun, you and a child become closer, and young children start on the path of lifelong reading. Independent reading skills will follow later. For now, one of the greatest gifts that you can give a young child, as well as yourself, is a shared love of books and reading. CHOOSING KIDS' BOOKS Look for a variety of good stories, nonfiction books, and books with great illustrations or photographs. Choose new books that you yourself enjoy, and pick some from your childhood. Personally, we couldn't be more thrilled that Dr. Seuss' YERTLE THE TURTLE and THE RED BALLOON by Albert Lamorisse have survived the test of time. At the same time, we enjoy some newer books, like Kevin Henke's LILLY'S PURPLE PLASTIC PURSE, as much as our kids do. One of the keys to successful reading is to choose books that appeal to you. The other half of the successful reading equation is to choose books that appeal to your child and his/her temperament, stage of life, mood, and development. Early childhood, in general, is a time when children learn an amazing number of new skills and face new situations in life. There are books for every occasion and child, and about almost any issue: death, new sibling, safety, child care, making friends, imaginary friends, starting school, travel, bad moods, good moods, feelings, cooperation, going to the hospital, doctor, or dentist, getting along with siblings, sleep, even swearing. Check out ELBERT'S BAD WORD by Audrey Wood and others in "Books to Help Kids Grow and Develop," here on FamilyFun. Have you ever read a phrase and thought, "That's what I have been trying to say all along."? Children's books can help adults say what they mean, but perhaps haven't found the words for yet. Consider STAND TALL, MOLLY LOU MELON by Patty Lovell and illustrated by David Catrow. Poor Molly Lou was born with many undesirable traits, including a voice that sounds like a bullfrog's, but it doesn't matter because her grandmother teaches her to turn adversity into a desirable thing. "Sing out clear and strong and the world will cry tears of joy." So, how should you choose books for kids? Select a wide variety of books that you like, that your child will like, that help a child learn more about the world, and that help you say what you mean. Look for books that help children feel good about themselves, feel more powerful, discover new capabilities, get the support that comes from knowing that there are many other kids in the same situation or with the same feelings, and that help explain the meaning of values, traditions, family, community, and more. If this sounds like a tall order, don't worry--there are so many great books out there, you'll soon be tripping over them, if you're not already. BOOKS AND READING FOR YOUNG ONES Attempting to outline what kind of books children of a particular age will enjoy is like trying to predict what kind of food children may like at a certain age. Since it's hard to predict and variety is healthy for children, offer many kinds of books throughout childhood. Though there are some general guidelines about what kids are drawn to in books during early childhood, don't limit yourself to choosing only these types of books. Babies typically enjoy: * Listening to you read from birth on--the richness of language and warmth of your voice bring great joy to a baby. Read as long as your baby will listen, but don't force it. * Listening while they are playing or crawling sometimes, in addition to before bedtime. * Experiencing books in their own way. Babies like to chew, lick, sit on, stand on, and throw books--make soft and sturdy books available. * Books with one clear image per page. * Short stories or books about things that are familiar to them, like MY FIRST WORD BOARD BOOK by Angela Wilkes. Toddlers typically enjoy: * Short stories about a variety of subjects. Again, don't force a child to sit still. Let them enjoy the reading experience in their own way. * Board books and stories that contain things from a toddler's experience. * Poetry, rhyme, and books with repeating phrases, like DRUMMER HOFF by Barbara Emberley, illustrated by Ed Emberley; and READ-ALOUD RHYMES FOR THE VERY YOUNG by Jack Prelutsky, illustrated by Marc Tolon Brown. * Books that cover one concept, like shapes, colors, or the alphabet. Preschoolers typically enjoy: * Longer and more complicated stories. Let kids listen as long or as little as they are comfortable. * Poetry, rhyme, and books about things they know from their widening experience. * Jokes, tall tales, and folk tales that are not scary, like MCBROOM'S WONDERFUL ONE-ACRE FARM: THREE TALL TALES by Sid Fleischman and illustrated by Quentin Blake. Keep in mind that there is a wide range of what is typical at each age, that attention spans vary widely, and that kids can understand stories at a higher level than they can read. Above all, don't give up on a reluctant reader; keep trying new books and reading at different times of the day. You know your child best, so allow children to experience reading and books in their own way and in their own time. Choose stories that they will like and listen to, but also pick some that stretch their attention span, interest, and imagination, and perhaps yours, too. BOOKS TO HELP KIDS GROW AND DEVELOP Children's books help kids make sense of the world. Reading should be fun, but it can also help parents teach a child more about new situations, skills, or feelings that may be difficult for developing minds to understand. Keep in mind that there are several good books for just about any situation. Here are a few examples: * New Baby in the Family: JULIUS, THE BABY OF THE WORLD by Kevin Henkes helps children as well as parents understand the confusing and sometimes conflicting feelings a child has when a new sibling comes home, as Lilly (of LILLY'S PURPLE PLASTIC PURSE fame) struggles with her feelings about her new brother in her typically delightful and unique way. * Diversity and Tolerance: CHILDREN JUST LIKE ME by Susan Elizabeth Copsey, et al, celebrates the magnificent diversity of people around the world, and helps develop an understanding that no matter where children are from, they are more alike than they are different. * Sharing and Cooperation: ME FIRST by Helen Lester and illustrated by Lynn Munsinger offers a perfectly fun way to learn more about the difficult skill of taking turns. * Death: LIFETIMES: A BEAUTIFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN DEATH TO CHILDREN by Bryan Mellonie helps parents, caregivers, and anyone who works with children explain the difficult concept of the natural process of death and dying with language and ideas that children can really understand. * Physical Activity: HELLO TOES, HELLO FEET by Ann Whitford Paul and illustrated by Nadine Bernard Westcott allows active kids to be active, and may inspire quieter kids to try more energetic pursuits--when you read this one, encourage your child to tiptoe, march, stomp, and hop right along with the character in the story. * Developing Skills: DEAR ZOO by Rod Campbell, the Spot series by Eric Hill, ALPHA BUGS by David Carter, and other lift-the-flap, touch-and-feel, or pop-up books are great choices for helping young children work on hand (fine motor) skills, and practice cause and effect, in addition to providing just plain fun! Don't stop here--there are hundreds more books out there to help children grow and develop. GREAT NEW CHILDREN'S BOOKS If you think of the world of new children's books as Mount Everest, then the following list does not even qualify as a foothill. Don't take our word for it--go out there and see for yourself. Here are just a few fantastic new titles to get you started: "THAT'S NOT MY TRACTOR...IT'S ENGINE IS TOO BUMPY" an Usborne touchy-feely book, 2001 A splendid new board book. How can anyone resist a book that has "squashy" wheels for the touching? YOKO'S PAPER CRANES by Rosemary Wells, Hyperion, 2001 For Yoko's beloved grandmother's birthday, she makes paper origami cranes in the way that her grandfather showed her before her grandparents moved to Japan. This wonderful story honors the special relationship and love between grandchild and grandparent, even those that live far apart. The illustrations add a rich layer to the book. A sequel to YOKO (1998). BERRY SMUDGES AND LEAF PRINTS: FINDING AND MAKING COLORS FROM NATURE by Ellen B. Senisi, Dutton, 2001 Young children will need supervision and help from adults to make the colors and fun crafts from this book, but it will be well worth it. The ideas are simple and easy, the photographs entice you to try the crafts, and the pure joy of learning more about color and nature comes through on every page. MY BABY by Jeanette Winter, Francis Foster Books, 2001 This one-of-a-kind story tells about a girl in Mali who learns the ancient art of making bogolan, a mud-painted cloth. As she and her mother work, she dreams ahead to her wedding and preparing cloth for her baby. In the process, the readers are given an experience of life on the savannah, complete with sweet flowers that you can almost smell, drums you'd swear you could hear, and the rich animal life of this part of Africa. The remarkable illustrations add great detail and vivid images to the story. All in all, a beautiful reading experience from the author of FOLLOW THE DRINKING GOURD. MILO'S HAT TRICK by Jon Agee, Hyperion, 2001 Milo is just about the sorriest magician you have ever seen, and he is about to be fired. But who comes to his rescue? A bear who can make himself disappear into Milo's hat. Their new act is a smash, but Milo faces his biggest challenge yet when the bear becomes too tired to perform anymore. You'll have to read it to find out what happens, but we will say that Milo, who starts out in trouble, finds his way out by accepting help and learning from an unlikely place. FLAPDOODLE DINOSAURS by David Carter, Little Simon, 2001 David Carter has elevated the craft of pop-up and lift-the-flap books to an art form and his newest creation is no exception. Each page features a dinosaur and is accompanied by a great verse and things to do. Wonderful, as you would expect from the creator of ALPHA BUGS. OLIVIA SAVES THE CIRCUS by Ian Falconer, Atheneum, 2001. If you give a child OLIVIA, they'll want to see its sequel. In this installment (hopefully, there will be more) Olivia, the only colorful thing on any page, tells her class at school how the whole circus happened to be sick and so she performed daring feat after daring feat in order to save the day. When asked if these stories are really true, Olivia confidently answers "pretty true" and "to the best of my recollection." Kids and adults alike won't be able to help falling for Olivia--she's a true original. To find more new books for children, ask at your library and bookstore, and look for reviews and award-winners in parenting magazines, local parenting papers, and at online parenting Web sites. WHERE TO FIND MORE WONDERFUL BOOKS (Note: http://www.lovetolearn.net/ is a good resource.) Expect a wealth of help in finding good books for kids. Some ideas are: * Ask the children's librarian at your local library and children's booksellers for good ideas and for book lists. Bring your child to story times. * Sign up with an online bookseller to receive new children's book announcements or take advantage of notification services. * Ask friends, family, neighbors, teachers, colleagues, other children, the person in line next to you at the children's museum, or anyone and everyone you meet for their favorite books or a title of a great new book. * Read book reviews in newspapers, parenting magazines, and on many online bookseller Web sites. * Watch for announcements each summer in the media, at bookstores, or ask in the library when the American Library Association announces it's yearly books awards. Books and booklists to help you choose children's books: * THE READ-ALOUD HANDBOOK, 5th Ed. by Jim Trelease, Penguin, 2001. * THE FIELD GUIDE TO PARENTING by Shelley Butler & Deb Kratz, Chandler House Press, 2000. Look for the extensive booklist, The Field Guide Children's Book Shelf, in "Reading and Books," and suggestions of children's books by topic in each chapter. * THE NEW YORK TIMES PARENT'S GUIDE TO THE BEST BOOKS FOR CHILDREN by Eden Ross Lipson, Three Rivers Press, 2000. Help online for finding good children's books: * "100 Picture Books Everyone Should Know" from the New York Public Library * "75 Authors and Illustrators Everyone Should Know" by Bernice E. Cullinan for the 75th Anniversary of Read Across America in 1994. * "2001 Not Just for Children Anymore" a list of children's books by category that adults will love, too, from the Children's Books Council. Shelley Butler and Deb Kratz are the Parents' Choice Award-winning authors of THE FIELD GUIDE TO PARENTING, which is featured on FamilyFun's Raising Kids page. Source: MSN Reading is Key to Child Growth Remember what used to be called the three Rs - reading, writing, and 'rithmetic? Reading is listed first for a reason. Reading is the most basic skill required of any education. Because so much information is distributed through printed words, learning to read is the key to learning everything else. How can parents encourage their children to read? Simple: Read to them. And if possible, start when they are small. Children who are read to frequently tend to become superior readers and also end up doing better in school than children who are read to infrequently. Educators have discovered that reading and storytelling stimulate the imagination, enhance children's vocabularies, introduce them to components of stories - such as characters, plot, action, and sequence - and provide them with information about the world surrounding them. Parents who read to their babies and toddlers are encouraging them to become readers as they grow up. Here are some suggestions to help with the process:
Take steps to create an environment that fosters a love for reading, and you will equip the children in your care with tools that will set the stage for lifelong learning. - Texas Cooperative Extension Boredom, Stress, Cash Leads Some Kids to Substance Abuse, According to a Columbia University Survey WASHINGTON Aug. 19 - Boredom and a wad of cash can lead young Americans to substance abuse, according to a Columbia University survey released Tuesday. The study also found that students at smaller schools and those attending religious schools are less likely to abuse narcotics and alcohol. Young people ages 12 to 17 who are frequently bored are 50 percent likelier than those not often bored to smoke, drink, get drunk and use illegal drugs, said the study by the university's National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse. Those with $25 or more a week in spending money are nearly twice as likely as those with less to smoke, drink and use illegal drugs, and more than twice as likely to get drunk, the study said. High stress can also take its toll kids suffering from stress are twice as likely as those with low stress to smoke, drink, get drunk and use illegal drugs, results showed. High stress was experienced more among girls more than boys, with nearly one in three girls saying they were highly stressed compared with fewer than one in four boys. Much of the stress was attributed to academic worries and pressures to have sex and take drugs. Kids at schools with more than 1,200 students are twice as likely as those at schools with less than 800 students to be at high risk of substance abuse, according to the study, and Catholic and other religious schools are likelier to be drug-free than public schools. The average age of first use is about 12 years for alcohol, 12 1/2 years for cigarettes and almost 14 years for marijuana, the center found. "This is an alarm call to parents," said Joseph Califano, Jr., the center's president. "You should be aware of what your kids are doing, know your child and don't underestimate your power you have over your children." QEV Analytics interviewed 1,987 kids aged 12 through 17 and 504 parents, 403 of whom were parents of interviewed kids, for the survey. They were interviewed from March 30 to June 14. The margin of error was plus or minus 2 percentage points for kids and plus or minus 4 percentage points for parents. The study also found fewer teens are associating with peers who use substances 56 percent have no friends who regularly drink, up from 52 percent in 2002; 68 percent have no friends who use marijuana, up from 62 percent in 2002; 70 percent have no friends who smoke cigarettes, up from 56 percent in 2002. Source: ABC News 'Girlie' Magazines: What Today's Teenage Girl Reads In 1944, the first issue of Seventeen hit the newsstands, one of the first magazines of its type. Today, Seventeen remains one of the most popular teen magazines for girls, boasting more than two million readers, and it now has a counterpart on the Internet. Inspired by the success of teen magazines, adult women's magazines such as Cosmopolitan have created teen versions, such as Cosmo Girl, which also has a website. The difference between those early Seventeen magazine covers and the covers of today is simply stunning — girls were in dresses with smiles, without a trace of the overt sexual posturing of such modern cover girls as singer Beyonce, featured on the June 2003 issue, thumb in belt loop tugging down to reveal even more of her already exposed pelvic bones, and actress Sarah Michelle Gellar, of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, in an almost identical pose on the cover of the May 2003 issue. The stark contrast between the two periods of time demonstrates clearly the degree to which images of teenage girls have been sexualized in mainstream media. The essence of Seventeen's content has not changed through the years. The primary focus still lies in fashion and how to be appealing to the opposite sex. However, in the early days of the magazine, girls did not look forward to the broad array of work place opportunities that they have today. Thus, it is disappointing that today's Seventeen magazine has not moved beyond a focus on how a girl looks, with each issue jam-packed with ultra slender girls, pierced bodies, and advertisements for products ranging from the usual excess of cosmetics and clothing, to hair care and color, to the body hair removal products necessary to wear those very low cut jeans and skirts. An advertisement for Gillette Satin Care Shave Gel features a girl resting naked in a pile of leaves, with a few leaves strategically placed. A Herbal Essences advertisement contains a transparent double entendre. In the early days of Seventeen, the assumption behind the focus on attracting the opposite sex was that the _expression of that attraction would take place within marriage. Today, that assumption is gone. On the Seventeen website, in the Sex and Body section (subtitled let's get down to the nitty gritty), a teenage girl can find a clinical description of the physiological process of sexual excitement and orgasm. She can take quizzes to determine her level of knowledge about preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. She can find advice on how to "deal with a pregnancy scare" and how to know when she is ready for sex. Although communicating with parents or adults is often suggested throughout the site, it does provide information on how to obtain contraceptives without parents finding out. Although Cosmo Girl purports to be empowering and girl positive, it still relies heavily on the classic "look pretty and get-the-guy formula." The images typically impart a slender view of beauty. Pierced and sexualized teens appear in clothing ads with shirts unzipped to below the breast; female models appear in ads in just their panties - and less. At the Cosmo Girl website, a daily quiz reveals that 77% of respondents were pierced professionally, as opposed to the 10% that did their own and the 13% that had none. On July 19, 2003, the site featured a section with various males bared to the waist, titled Eye Candy Unwrapped, exhorting girls to vote for the one they'd like to see naked. There were flashing, revolving titles - Why Don't You Have A Boyfriend, Free 4 Sexy Guy Posters, Get A Better Body In Two Weeks. These are the messages that "empower" the modern girl. Those early Seventeen magazine covers provoke a touch of sadness, recalling a time when 14-year-olds were still allowed to be children. They offer a glimpse into a world where children were not shoved into sexiness and where the most serious of sexual decisions were years away; a world in which child sexual behavior was not validated and condoned by society at large, and in which the sexualization of children was not so intricately linked to the profit margin of so many corporations. Looking at those cover-girls from the past, it is unmistakable how much our own teenage girls of today have lost. News and Commentary by Sharon Secor: August 2003 Trend to live together, not marry, puts kids at risk USA TODAY research this month showing that civil marriages are increasing while church weddings are declining raises questions about which type of marriage is better. The answer from family researchers: Whether couples tie the knot in a courthouse or a church is less important than that they are married while raising children. What worries researchers who study family structures is the growing trend of couples choosing to live together outside of marriage while raising children. Divorce and out-of-wedlock birth rates leveled off years ago, but families in which parents cohabit are on a steady climb. More than 40% of all live-in households in 2000 included a child under 18, up from 21% in 1987, according to the latest U.S. Census figures. While an unmarried mom and dad living together might look like the married couple down the block, unions lacking formal long-term commitments have been found more likely to create problems for kids. Sociologists cite evidence that children raised by live-in parents have a greater likelihood of emotional troubles and poor school performance. A major reason is that unmarried couples are more likely to break up. Certainly, adults have every right to choose their living arrangements and expect social tolerance of their choices. But when the choices have a negative impact on dependents in their care, the government and other institutions have sound reasons to promote marriage as a social good. Last week, the White House stressed the point by marking Marriage Protection Week. Though easy to deride as more a rebuttal to calls for gay civil unions than a defense of marriage, the effort at least highlights a problem that gets too little attention. The negative effects of cohabitation documented by numerous studies include: Single parents. Three out of four children born to unmarried couples see them split up before age 16, according to the National Marriage Project, a research group based at Rutgers University. The impact of growing up with a single parent is well documented by research: Children are more likely to repeat a grade, drop out of school, become sexually active and exhibit anxiety. Dysfunctional behavior. Live-in households tend to be less stable. A cohabiting partner is three times as likely to suffer depression as a married person and twice as likely to exhibit aggressive behavior. Some states are experimenting with ways to spread pro-marriage messages. Oklahoma and Florida, for example, are offering discounts on marriage licenses if couples take classes designed to build skills needed to make their unions work. At the same time, churches and other groups are offering workshops on building relationship skills. The White House, for its part, has included a $300 million annual pro-marriage plank in a welfare bill before Congress. Some of the money would pay for counseling that encourages unwed mothers to marry and gives them skills needed to stay married. Some critics of these policies say lifestyle decisions are none of the government's business. Others say too much emphasis is placed on married couples with children when their share of the population has dwindled to 25% of U.S. households. Still, when the welfare of children is at risk, reminding adults that their lifestyle decisions do matter is a worthwhile effort. Source: USA Today Why Should Your Marriage be the First Priority? Sometimes it can be hard to focus more on your marriage than on your child, but this prioritizing is vital in your homeschool. On today’s Home School Heartbeat with Mike Smith, we’ll hear from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs—a homeschooling father of three and the president of Love and Respect Ministries. Mike Smith: Dr. Emerson Eggerichs: Mike: Dr. Eggerichs: Mike: |
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